Random One-Liners

One of those Canadian proverbs.

professional baseball player
Misspokements Places

Confucius say… man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Confucius say

This contract is so one-sided that I am surprised to find it written on both sides of the paper.

(1899 – 1966) British judge
Government Law

From the way Denny’s shaking his head, he’s either got an injured shoulder or a gnat in his eye.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Activities Golf Sports

Confucius say… lady who goes down first time out, is called Titanic.

Confucius say

I used to dread getting older because I thought I would not be able to do all the things I wanted to do, but now that I am older I find that I don't want to do them.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Activities Age Old

Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

Director: The one who always faces the music.

Definitions Music

Photostatic memory

Malaprops

Nepotism is when the corporate ladder is built from the lumber of your family tree.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Family Relationships

Blind Bishop Appointed To See

Headlines

My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor.

(1952 – ) comedian
Family

I'm wearing a new perfume that I should recommend to the women in the audience; it's called 'Tester.'

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Things

You might be a redneck if… your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Entertainment Music People Rednecks

One of these days I’m gonna dehead myself.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Here’s a suggestion for a new animal; if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.

Miscellaneous

Phantom Actor Sues

Headlines

A lot of the seats were half empty.

Misspokements

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Characteristics